Pros
Are you ready to dive into the fast-paced, dynamic world of Salesforce consulting? Here at Horizontal, we pride ourselves on pushing the boundaries of what’s possible... mostly by pushing our employees to the brink of burnout. Looking for a place where you can truly shine by having absolutely no personal life? Welcome to Horizontal, where the work is endless, the pay is minimal, and the mental trauma is just part of the package! Got friends, family, a spouse, or kids? Forget about them! At Horizontal, we believe in work-life integration, which means your work is your life. Need a day off? Be prepared to jump through multiple hoops just to get a single work from home day approved. Because, why should you enjoy life outside of work? You’ll be so busy working 10-14 hr days and weekends that you won’t even remember what ‘life’ outside the office looks like. But don’t expect any incrememtal pay or mental health support, those are luxuries we just can’t afford! We believe in the power of youth! That’s why we turn bright-eyed interns into multi-skilled resources. QAs, Scrum Masters, Developers, BAs, you name it, they do it! But once they realize how deep the politics run and that the pay doesn’t match the workload, they’ll leave. But don’t worry, there’s always another intern ready to take their place. Our leadership team is here to guide you, mostly through their inflated egos and outdated ideas. Ever wonder why we can't hire actual experts for key roles? It’s because we’re too busy promoting friends and family! And if you dare to question their methods, well, good luck with that. You'll be digging your own professional grave. Certifications are key to success in Salesforce, and we make sure you know that, by shoving certification after certification down your throat! Who needs hands-on training when you can have a certificate that says you know something? And don't worry, the actual work can wait... or be done by someone else! Are you an ambitious professional ready to trailblaze your way through the exciting world of Salesforce consulting? Well, strap in, because at Horizontal Jaipur, we've got the perfect place for you to watch others take off while you hold down the fort! So, if you’re looking for a job where you can be hired as a TA, paid like a Junior Lead, and treated like an intern to make sure you stay humble, congratulations, you’ve found your dream job at Horizontal! Come join us, and experience the thrill of doing more with less. Here, you can work 14 hr days and worry about when our Salesforce practice will collapse because who needs stability when you’ve got job uncertainty? Dreaming of attending Salesforce events. Well, keep dreaming! While you're busy working on projects under crushing deadlines, our leadership will be jet-setting across the globe, enjoying all the perks you thought you'd get. And if you're looking to make a name for yourself at Horizontal, you'll need to master the art of ‘Leadership Licking.’ It's simple: just praise every senseless decision, attend every pointless meeting, and if you’re looking to make a real impact, just remember: it’s not about what you know, but who you know—and how well you can praise their every move. Want to move up? Just perfect your boot-licking skills and you might even get an award for it! Maybe, just maybe, you’ll get sent onsite! But don’t forget, when you do, you’ll need to post daily videos praising the opportunity they so generously gave you. Smile wide for the LinkedIn followers! Ah, LinkedIn. The place where dreams are made... of content! We take social media seriously, so seriously that we’ll make sure you post about how ‘exciting’ it is to be here. And remember, if you’re not liking and sharing leadership’s posts, are you even working here? We value every LinkedIn post. It’s not just a video, it’s a mandatory morale booster! Even if you’re dead inside from all the overtime, you’ll still need to hit that ‘Record’ button and tell the world how fantastic it is here. After all, who needs authenticity when you have likes? We’ve mastered the art of self-promotion, and it shows! Just look at our awards shelf, well, it would be full if those awards meant anything. But hey, who needs real achievements when we can create our own narrative? Introducing ‘Tech Brews & Consulting Views,’ a groundbreaking community session where no one shows up except our own employees! This initiative, sponsored by Horizontal and the Salesforce brand (and your free time), is a brilliant way to boost one person’s market presence while you sit there wondering why you even bothered. And, the ‘Great Place to Work’ award. We’ve won it four times! But if you’re in our Jaipur office, you’ll wonder how. Half the staff is looking to jump ship, and the other half is stuck in a cycle of endless busywork. But don’t worry, our marketing team is fantastic at keeping up appearances.
Cons
Great Place to Work. Love you, Jaipur Leaderships, you are killing it. Keep up the good work.
